Sunday, October 29, 2006

Brit Red and the Minions of Plaid

After successfully ignoring the Burberry line for many years I have finally succumbed. Ever a wide-eyed child of advertising spin and my own imagination I have fallen for many a fragrance fantasy..

You will be scary and maybe kinky and definitely sexy and also Mr. LeCarre will want to write about you.

You are lying on your stomach under the magnolia tree, crushing the waxy petals into your palms as you read Empire of the Sun. Overhead, the drone of an airplane.

You were born to wear white and be at least 6 inches taller. Your hair, cut in a blunt bob at chin level, could slice cheese. You talk through your teeth; people not only listen, they defer.

How funny to become enthralled with the idea of a fragrance you "can wear every day". Oh yes, this is apparently high praise in MUA review land. "For every day wear!" "You can wear it at work and at home!" "This is a fragrance you can wear daily!" Wow, how exciting. Yet somehow after reading every Burberry review for every Burberry variety I wanted just that. A fragrance to wear every day because, you know, I am a normal person who wears pleasant, easy to wear fragrances. I am a nice girl, I wear a nice perfume that I was given for Christmas and since I wear it every day it will make the perfect Christmas present next year as well! I am not a person who's perfumes come with matching nipple balm.

And so Brit Red and I spent the evening together. Brit Red's bottle is an extremely delicious colour. Maybe my newfound desire for every dayness will progress to actual Burberry Brit who's bottle and juice are far more generic than that loudmouth Brit Red but hey, you have to start somewhere. Brit Red is everything everyone says about it; rhubarb, gingerbread, vanilla, amberry florals. It is nice. It is plaid. All the Burberrys are plaid and as I marinated in rubarb gingerbread goodness while watching a DVD plaid infested my thoughts.

The film "The Upside of Anger" is a lumpy, blandly acted and forgettable film with a very weird ending. It contains six incidents of plaid.

Curtains in Terry Ann Wolfmyer's house, blue plaid.

Upholstered dining chairs in Terry Ann Wolfmyer's house, blue plaid matching the curtains. The chairs and curtains clash bizarrely with the blue and white floral wallpaper, but perhaps this is a design gesture that has passed me by.

Plaid dress on daughter. I can't remember which one, they were all so muted. Very nice dress.

Two plaid shirts worn by Kevin Costner to help cement his character of a sports person, middle-age-spreading has been. Both shirts exceedingly dull and ugly.

Plaid living room pillow in Kevin Costner's house. Blue.

I am glad I have my MUA inspired fantasy to associate with Brit Red because otherwise I would be stuck with a wildly different fragrance association, that of chavs. Thank goodness I can live in almost ignorance of how the UK views the house of Burberry because Brit Red really is very easy to wear. I might wear it again tomorrow!

Photo is "Ground Burberry" courtesy of Stebbi's Photos.


Anonymous said...

Teacake, please write more.

That is all. :-)

Cat said...

Your writing IS stunning, dear!
And Brit Red is exactly like you say.
Wow... greetings,
lillie (again)